ISLAND BEAST

Tropical vacationers from America usually worry about the same things. Will my luggage get lost by the airline? Will it rain the whole time I'm there? Will I be scared by the locals and will any of them get near me? The thing I find curious is how no one ever talks about the true threat to a successful tropical get away; that being getting your carcass devoured by a giant Island Beast. It's like you guys are willfully ignorant of these colossal equitorial lurking creatures or something. It's why I always pack 30-plus pounds of dried tuna steaks in my carry-on to use as chum in a different location than the one I'm staying in. I stuff it into the overhead as soon as I get on the plane, even if I'm sitting in the back and then run up to retrieve it before the plane even stops taxiing.